ok i'm on my way and you can take the time til i get there to look at my message and see how much i wasn't implying i was expecting a fun hangout sesh ok?
jesus fuck that looks bad now that i read it again that wasnt meant to be pass-aggro i promise ok ill be right there <3
[As promised, she doesn't waste any time; it won't be long until Rosie gets a knock at her door.]
[ The message is read and given a thumbs up - both of them - but she doesn't respond directly.
She's at her apartment in the city today so no swamp for Erika to trek through. It isn't Rosie who answers the door but her Tsareena. She stands proud and crosses her arms, looking Erika up and down, before moving aside to let the other woman in. Tsareena approved. ]
Hey, [ greets Rosie, using her Slowpoke as a makeshift pillow on the couch. He doesn't seem to mind as he stares vacantly ahead. ] Thanks for coming over.
[Erika walks in with an appreciative nod when the Pokemon lets her in, and makes a beeline to Rosie. She sits down on the floor in front of the couch, so as not to disturb her or her Pokemon.]
[ While she wouldn't mind the company, Momirobara does seem relieved that he doesn't have to give up his spot next to Rosie. He gives a small Slow... as Erika approaches. ]
About as great as someone fucking up a social interaction can, I guess. [ A sigh as she looks down to Erika. ]
[ The Slowpoke, as it often does, just stares blankly at Erika's hand. It stares blankly in general but, like, it doesn't seem to want to sniff or do much of anything with the offered appendage. Just... stares. ]
Sometimes I feel like I'm reading out of an entirely different book. I didn't mean to... Well, whatever, what I meant doesn't matter I guess.
I just saw his mingle post and wanted to encourage him! I know that, like, for some of the people here their worlds treat sex like this shameful, taboo thing no one talks about but like- Fuck that! Like I told him, it fires me up to think people are afraid to talk about it or go after what they want because society says it's wrong.
[ She worked as a literal 'whore' and no shortage of people called her that blatantly as an insult. She's also once a year a literal 'bitch in heat' which is often a derogatory term to most slung at her as well. Sex - or the desire for it - isn't something anyone should be ashamed of in her mind; it's just a natural part of life and can be enjoyed as much or more as any other. ]
So I tried to explain that was my point of view and then he just got more angry about it? Said it made my apology hollow? I didn't get that, I wasn't undermining anything I said I thought just... Apologizing and trying to say that, hey, this is how it is for me! I get that's not the case for you, maybe, but... I thought it'd help? That he'd know I didn't mean anything bad by it, I was just.
Genuinely trying to be encouraging.
[ All the whole that she rambles, the Slowpoke allows the pets and even closes his eyes - slowly - to show enjoyment. ]
So I don't get why that seems to keep upsetting people. I just want them to enjoy themselves here, y'know? Not be ashamed or afraid or anything like that.
[Erika nods slowly as Rosie explains, idly petting the Pokemon as she does. It helps that, having already watched things like this play out more than once, she's pretty sure she kind of already has an idea of what keeps going down.]
Okay, so-- I understand that you want to help, for sure. But... for one thing, people aren't gonna overcome a lifetime of culturally-ingrained shame that quickly.
But, while it sucks for people to be made to feel like they can't talk about sex... they don't have to, either. Everyone's got, like, a million factors affecting their relationship to sex. Some people just want to be private about it for their own reasons... and, in a place like this where that's so difficult to do, it can start feeling painfully inescapable. Especially in combination with those cultural hangups.
If people are gonna work through that sort of thing, they need to feel like they've got the freedom to choose who they talk about it with - which is probably why he got more upset when you tried to explain yourself.
I know why you tried to, and I wouldn't say your trying to explain yourself negated the apology - but I can see where it had that effect to Dion. To him, it likely seemed like he tried to communicate that he wasn't comfortable with a topic that already felt invasive and inappropriate to him, and... you told him he was wrong.
The details of people's relationships to sex are... unpredictable. I know you'd rather be open about it, and for other people to do the same - but you can't expect people you don't know well to feel that way.
[ Rationally, she knows that they won't. Even for Rosie it... Okay, so, she was always a pretty sex-positive person. Being born in the Edo period helped, she's sure, where The Arts and Creative Fucking were at all-time high. It's not like she's a stranger though to societal influences; she actually acted as she did because she thought how people think a Japanese lady should behave (seen, not heard, and all that bullshit) is ridiculously dumb. ]
I... guess that makes sense. I just never thought enthusiasm about getting your freak on - however and with whoever you want - would be a bad thing. Since that's, y'know, all it is. I do just want people to enjoy it, however they choose to.
But I'll just. Try and shut up about it, I guess, and let people do their own thing.
Mm-hm. Unfortunately, some people just aren't there yet. For that matter, how some people choose to enjoy it is privately. Even for me, like - I'm good with a degree of openness, and that serves me pretty well here. But I don't love it being the whole world's business, y'know?
In any case - [She reaches up with her non-Pokemon-petting hand to tap Rosie's nose.] - I wouldn't think of it as shutting up so much as tryin' to make a habit of adjusting under what circumstances you bring it up, yeah? Some people do benefit from that encouragement; it's just a matter of getting a hang of determining when's the right time, and playing it safe if you aren't sure.
[ Some people aren't there yet, Erika says, and Rosie recognizes she probably hadn't been thinking of Dion at all. Well, no- She had but not beyond wanting to support and encourage him. The fact that her version of it inadvertently did the opposite was so difficult for her to grasp because, well, his history and feelings about the topic weren't anything she actually knew. ]
Yeah, I... I just always thought being loudly supportive and giving people that push was best, I guess? [ But she recognizes what Erika is saying. Seteth had always been supportive of her, for example, but never in such overt ways. Guiding her gently to the right paths or reassuring her she wasn't alone- Maybe she took for granted how effective those techniques had been.
Maybe she took him for granted more than she'll ever admit. ]
Maybe because it worked for me, but. I know not everyone is the same, of course, just- I always enjoyed it after a lifetime of lack of support, maybe, so I thought others might too. I'll work on it.
Yeah, that's the toughest part - figurin' out what works for yourself doesn't for everyone. But, for what it's worth... I think you could be doin' worse on that front. The fact that you were willing to listen to me here is a big plus.
[ Rosie does try to take what Erika says to heart. That she is trying is... better than most, she knows, even if it doesn't feel like it. While she wants to immediately apologize to Dion, too, well- That probably isn't for the best right now either.
She'll try to when the time is right. When she can prove that she understands now and explain that she never meant to make him uncomfortable in any kind of way. ]
Well, thanks for letting me know. Until now, no one really explained it in a way that made sense why they were so upset.
No problem, man; it can be hard, when someone's upset in the moment, for them to be inclined to step back and break down why that is, y'know?
[She gives a faint flash of a gentle smile.] That's where I've got the advantage of knowing you, and not being one of the folks who's gonna get too stressed out by it all.
![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
hasitsthorns) wrote2022-03-02 12:20 pm
no subject
and you can take the time til i get there to look at my message and see how much i wasn't implying i was expecting a fun hangout sesh ok?
jesus fuck that looks bad now that i read it again that wasnt meant to be pass-aggro i promise
ok ill be right there
<3
[As promised, she doesn't waste any time; it won't be long until Rosie gets a knock at her door.]
no subject
She's at her apartment in the city today so no swamp for Erika to trek through. It isn't Rosie who answers the door but her Tsareena. She stands proud and crosses her arms, looking Erika up and down, before moving aside to let the other woman in. Tsareena approved. ]
Hey, [ greets Rosie, using her Slowpoke as a makeshift pillow on the couch. He doesn't seem to mind as he stares vacantly ahead. ] Thanks for coming over.
no subject
Hey. How're you feeling?
no subject
About as great as someone fucking up a social interaction can, I guess. [ A sigh as she looks down to Erika. ]
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Happens to the best of us, in one way or another. And it can happen a lot, if people aren't really on the same page.
no subject
Sometimes I feel like I'm reading out of an entirely different book. I didn't mean to... Well, whatever, what I meant doesn't matter I guess.
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Hmm... alright. So, from your point of view - what seemed to happen there?
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[ She worked as a literal 'whore' and no shortage of people called her that blatantly as an insult. She's also once a year a literal 'bitch in heat' which is often a derogatory term to most slung at her as well. Sex - or the desire for it - isn't something anyone should be ashamed of in her mind; it's just a natural part of life and can be enjoyed as much or more as any other. ]
So I tried to explain that was my point of view and then he just got more angry about it? Said it made my apology hollow? I didn't get that, I wasn't undermining anything I said I thought just... Apologizing and trying to say that, hey, this is how it is for me! I get that's not the case for you, maybe, but... I thought it'd help? That he'd know I didn't mean anything bad by it, I was just.
Genuinely trying to be encouraging.
[ All the whole that she rambles, the Slowpoke allows the pets and even closes his eyes - slowly - to show enjoyment. ]
So I don't get why that seems to keep upsetting people. I just want them to enjoy themselves here, y'know? Not be ashamed or afraid or anything like that.
no subject
Okay, so-- I understand that you want to help, for sure. But... for one thing, people aren't gonna overcome a lifetime of culturally-ingrained shame that quickly.
But, while it sucks for people to be made to feel like they can't talk about sex... they don't have to, either. Everyone's got, like, a million factors affecting their relationship to sex. Some people just want to be private about it for their own reasons... and, in a place like this where that's so difficult to do, it can start feeling painfully inescapable. Especially in combination with those cultural hangups.
If people are gonna work through that sort of thing, they need to feel like they've got the freedom to choose who they talk about it with - which is probably why he got more upset when you tried to explain yourself.
I know why you tried to, and I wouldn't say your trying to explain yourself negated the apology - but I can see where it had that effect to Dion. To him, it likely seemed like he tried to communicate that he wasn't comfortable with a topic that already felt invasive and inappropriate to him, and... you told him he was wrong.
The details of people's relationships to sex are... unpredictable. I know you'd rather be open about it, and for other people to do the same - but you can't expect people you don't know well to feel that way.
no subject
I... guess that makes sense. I just never thought enthusiasm about getting your freak on - however and with whoever you want - would be a bad thing. Since that's, y'know, all it is. I do just want people to enjoy it, however they choose to.
But I'll just. Try and shut up about it, I guess, and let people do their own thing.
no subject
In any case - [She reaches up with her non-Pokemon-petting hand to tap Rosie's nose.] - I wouldn't think of it as shutting up so much as tryin' to make a habit of adjusting under what circumstances you bring it up, yeah? Some people do benefit from that encouragement; it's just a matter of getting a hang of determining when's the right time, and playing it safe if you aren't sure.
no subject
Yeah, I... I just always thought being loudly supportive and giving people that push was best, I guess? [ But she recognizes what Erika is saying. Seteth had always been supportive of her, for example, but never in such overt ways. Guiding her gently to the right paths or reassuring her she wasn't alone- Maybe she took for granted how effective those techniques had been.
Maybe she took him for granted more than she'll ever admit. ]
Maybe because it worked for me, but. I know not everyone is the same, of course, just- I always enjoyed it after a lifetime of lack of support, maybe, so I thought others might too. I'll work on it.
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She'll try to when the time is right. When she can prove that she understands now and explain that she never meant to make him uncomfortable in any kind of way. ]
Well, thanks for letting me know. Until now, no one really explained it in a way that made sense why they were so upset.
no subject
[She gives a faint flash of a gentle smile.] That's where I've got the advantage of knowing you, and not being one of the folks who's gonna get too stressed out by it all.